


Sibling Rivalry

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 11:16:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin is forced decide a crazy bet between the two Gisbornes: who is better in bed, Guy or Isabella?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sibling Rivalry

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Thanks to [](http://thymelady.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**thymelady**](http://thymelady.dreamwidth.org/) for being my beta on my very first real slash fic. Written for [Slashfest 2012](http://robinhoodslash.livejournal.com/tag/slashfest%202012)

"Honestly, Robin," Guy groaned, resting his head on his arm as he sat at the table in the Great Hall. He yawned, looking incredibly bored. "We're not getting any younger here."

"I hate to admit that I agree with _Guy,_ " Isabella winced at saying her brother's name, as if the very word created a bad taste in her mouth, "But you promised to tell us something an hour ago!"

Robin sighed, hanging his head. He really hated being put on such a spot, especially for something as ridiculous as sibling rivalry between two thirty-somethings. Under normal circumstances, he would not have humored them at all. But, these were _Gisbornes_. Crazy people. Having one Gisborne with his or her panties in a twist was dangerous enough, but two of them in a rage? Well, he might as well kiss his poor Nottingham goodbye.

He couldn't do that, of course. He'd sworn to protect the people of the shire, and if that meant settling the absolutely asinine bet between two complete and childish psychos... well, so be it.

Robin groaned, burying his face in his hands. Now, came the hard part: deciding which one of them had been the best in bed, Guy, or Isabella?

It was a bad situation - very bad. Sure, the sex had been fun (even if it had used up all of his stamina - as soon as he and Isabella had finished, Guy had been knocking on the door for his turn,) but Robin was aware what might happen once the choice was made. The sibling who had not been chosen might very well throw a tantrum, and Robin was all too familiar with what happened when a Gisborne threw a tantrum: it was zero to crazed homicidal rage in less than six seconds.

Still, they were waiting, and he had no choice but to choose. _Best to be honest,_ Robin thought to himself. He took a deep breath, stuck out his hand, and pointed his finger at the one who had made his heart soar with love, and his body swell with incredible passion...

Guy of Gisborne.

"WHAT?!" Isabella screeched, standing up quickly and eyeing Robin with shock and horror at his rejection. "HIM?! YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME?! WHY?!"

"You made animal noises the entire time." Robin replied, trying to sound calm. Calm was good. She was getting a crazed look in her eyes, after all.

"So? I listened at the door while the two of you were busy getting it on. You sounded like two cats in heat!" She sneered, and then lowered her voice, mimicking her brother's. "Oh, Robin, that feels so nice... MROW!!!"  
"I do not sound like that you mewling little foot-licker!" Guy spat.  
"Shut up, you shit-stain! Isabella shot back.

"But, at least he called me by the right name!" Robin protested, loudly, hoping to put an end to their oncoming argument. "In the heat of things... he still remembered my name!"

Isabella turned to Robin and stared at him curiously.

"Who did I call you, then?" She asked, folding her arms.

Robin sighed heavily.

"Meg." He told her, frowning. Guy began to chuckle.  
"Oh." She replied, meekly. "Well, I'm sure it was just a mistake."  
"You did it five times," Said Robin, arms also folded and staring her down, "Then you begged me to put on a curly wig and talk dirty to you in a soft, womanly voice."

Guy burst out laughing, doubling over.

"Laugh it up, _mon frère._ " She growled, turning towards Guy, "In your case, it just _had_ to be beginner's luck."

Guy stopped laughing and eyed his sister evilly.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

Isabella smirked. "It means I have at _least_ twenty years more experience than you in terms of sex. In fact, I'd be surprised if this wasn't your first time."  
"It was NOT my first time!" Guy yelled at her.  
"Your second time, then? Well, you're still a newbie, in any case." She said, dismissing him. She then turned to Robin, staring him down. "And it's obvious that Robin wants someone inexperienced - someone he can _train_. Like a _DOG_ , no doubt."

Robin looked over at Guy and sighed heavily. That did it. He watched, horrified, as Guy stood up and walked over to his little sister. He stared her down, his gray eyes cold and fierce - it was enough to unnerve most anyone. Isabella, on the other had, stared up at him with an equal derision and fearlessness. _Brilliant._ Robin thought to himself, shaking his head. He quickly eyed the guards standing around the room, nodding to them, and hinting for them to run off and save themselves. Though Robin had disarmed both Guy and Isabella before this ridiculous contest began, they were still like walking, talking plagues upon the Earth.

"I was trained by a Prince!" Guy told her, scoffing. "I've had the best."

Isabella smiled at him dangerously.

"So have I, brother." She said, smirking. "He used to complain about you, you know? About how inept and unsatisfying you were. He told me he only tolerated you because you were cute and had a nice arse."

Robin watched as Guy's mouth fell open slightly, and his gray eyes grew wide with both shock and horror. He shook his head and groaned. Robin knew that Guy harbored a deep-seated hatred for his little sister, and that he desperately wanted to maim her and kill her and then dance a wild and crazy happy dance all over her remains. Despite that, though, he also knew there was still some sort of crazy Gisborne family loyalty in there somewhere. It was that loyalty that instructed Guy to protect his sister's honor from the likes of the prissy Prince John and others who might...

_WHUMP._

Robin gasped as Isabella's foot made contact with her brother's privates, causing Guy to scream louder than he himself had ever made Guy scream in their moments together. Or, perhaps that was just because Guy's voice had jumped a few octaves after the injury to his most tenderest of areas. Robin couldn't help but marvel at Isabella's skills at distraction - after all, the bit about her and the Prince had sufficiently broken Guy's brain enough that he didn't even consider the possibility of a sudden and swift act of violence.

Isabella stormed off, (but not before ordering one of the guards in the hall to fetch Meg and bring the woman to her quarters immediately for _comfort,_ ) while Guy grabbed onto his throbbing man parts and sank to the floor. Robin frowned, watching tears well up in Guy's eyes. He knelt down to the floor, grabbing onto Guy and wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"Shhh..." Robin mouthed, stroking Guy's long hair softly as he cuddled up to his love. Guy whimpered and shook slightly in Robin's strong arms, biting his lip as another wave of pain radiated from his privates.

 _I should say something. Something comforting._ Robin thought to himself as he gently planted a kiss on Guy's head. However, nothing was quite coming to mind. He had never quite been "comforting" where Guy was concerned, after all. He had always been more flirtatious and challenging than anything with the homicidal knight, and Guy had always preferred the playfulness, rising to the challenge each and every time. Sweet talk had never worked at all, but calling Guy dirty names and egging him on as if the two were still the bitterest of enemies aroused him in swift and strange ways. More Gisborne insanity, of course.

Robin nodded. _Playful it is then._

"So, Guy," Robin said, grinning mischievously at his teary-eyed beloved, "Since you're obviously out of commission for a while, does this mean it's finally my turn to be on top?"


End file.
